Archive for April, 2009
I always thought you hit midlife crisis in your 40s. Till I hit the 30s. The 30s seem to bring with them a crushing list of questions that I should’ve been ready to answer by now!
What do you want to achieve in life? Where will you be 5/10/15 yrs from now? Isn’t it about time you started a family? Do you realise your parents are in their 60s? Have you seen the list of under-30 achievers from your batch? You aren’t getting younger, you know?!!
By then, I’m already screaming inside my head. I’m now more accountable. I have to be more responsible. Subtle changes start making me feel ancient. I’m less tolerant of loud noises (read loud music and pubs); I can’t stand silly mush with teenage actors- cheeni kum is the kind of romance that’s worth watching; it feels nice to hang out with older folks who call me “young lady”; 20+ upstarts annoy me with their overconfidence- god! they have no clue what they’re talking about!!
And suddenly all the cool statements I made in my 20s about changing the world are catching up with me and I haven’t started changing anything! Maybe I need a sabbatical to figure out my true calling. Its not my fault- I’m so caught up in the day-to-day demands of my job. How much can I do?! I’m just one person with 24 hrs in a day! Aging somehow seems to be characterized by reducing self-confidence. “I-will”s replaced by guarded “I’m-going-to-try-to”s or even worse, “I-want-to-but”s.
I seek consolation in the fact that I have a good number of years before the 40s bring in their own set of embarrassing questions. So I’m going to try (note the confidence level of the statement!) to stretch the irresponsibility-of-youth thingy for a bit longer before I let the depressive weight of maturity take over!