An offer you can’t refuse

I’ve finally seen ‘The Godfather‘ and made all the 45 years of my plain existence worthwhile!

<waiting for the shock to subside>

I know I know!! I can’t explain why it took so long for a self-proclaimed movie buff like me to watch the mother of all movies. Nevertheless, the good news is that I’ve finally seen it and now understand why it’s such a great movie. Even after all these years the movie was simple fantastic to watch, held together by an extremely taut story line and some riveting performances by the key protagonists. The movie has just the right mix of drama and suspense which is topped by one of the best endings that I’ve ever seen!

Now I don’t want to see the 2nd and 3rd parts (Yes – I haven’t seen them either!!) in the fear of losing that good taste in the mouth!

Which leads me to the question - ”what’s the top three movies that you’ve seen so far”? I would definitely rank “The Godfather” at the top! Will probably rate JFK, Seven and Usual Suspects among the next best! Will add to this list when I remember more!

Any others, anybody else? If you can suggest a movie that’s better than The Godfather, then I shall buy you the DVD!! Of course, I am the only judge! Remember, its strictly business, nothing personal!

Well done – but don’t tell anyone!

One of my colleagues received extremely positive feedback from some of our counterparts in the UK for the great work that he had done. What makes this achievement even more significant is the reputation of the folks from the Queen’s land of highlighting only the negatives while neglecting all the good work!

While our HR manager took the effort to frame the letter of appreciation, he decided to give him the same only  when nobody was looking! The way it has been done seems to suggest that such rewards are not to be disclosed or shared! I have come to almost expect this kind of absurdity from my HR manager!

If you think I’m overreacting - let me tell you, this is not the first time! A couple of months back, three of my colleagues got similar plaques in the middle of the night for their excellent performance! The (illogical) explanation for this was that it was done so that a couple of folks from the US could participate! If we can plan status meetings (yawn!) at mutually convenient times, why in heavens name is it not possible to take the time to do something as useful and necessary! The problem is not in the timezones, but rather in the zone between the ears!!

I know Scott Adams filled books with such ‘case studies’, but if there are other such original situations that you’ve witnessed in your office – please do share the laughs!! Not sure this is laughing matter, but what the hell!!

Loos Talk

Imagine you are a guy (those who believe they are already guys can skip this step) and you go into a men’s room. There are three urinals side by side and all three are available. Which one would you choose?

I believe that the choice of urinal is indicative of the nature of the person! Are you wondering how? Of course, I cannot comment on the artistic Vs logical capabilities of the guys who choose either extreme, but I can bet that nine times out of ten, the guy who chooses the one in the middle is an insecure attention seeker!

Am I reading too much into the urinating habits of guys? I don’t think so! If you think about it, such decisions are usually made at the spur of the moment when the guy has almost no time to make a well-reasoned decision! The choice is something that is made instinctively and hence is a reflection of the basic nature of the person! Besides, it is an indicator of the guy’s personal hygiene! The guy choosing the urinal in the center is more likely to leave the toilet door open at home and insist on sharing a toothbrush!

On the flip side, it also seems more likely that the guys going for the extremes would take much longer to adjust to a more natural environment that lacks some basic facilities that we’ve become used to! This also means, such persons would plan things a little ahead of time in order to avoid as many unexpected, uncomfortable situations as possible! Note, this does not mean that these guys cannot adjust to any new situation! After all this test is one of preference and not capability!

So to all you ladies out there, if you are ever in a situation where you don’t have as much time to decide if a guy is right or not, just make him pee!

One way traffic

While driving home one day, a motorcyclist got on my nerves with his constant honking and lane shifting. Keeping my temper under check (please note Kanch), I kept driving down when I saw the motorcyclist try yet another stunt with a driver in a spanking new L-board car! As the bike weaved into his lane, the car didn’t swerve in time and ended up knocking down the motorist!

While not the nastiest fall I’ve seen, I’m sure the rider was hurt. I’m sure he must have been thanking his stars for wearing a helmet on his elbow! It surely did save him a bruise on the elbow though he did have a small bump on his head! Nothing too bad!

As I drove past I realized two things! First, I was smiling!! I was actually happy to see the motorist get his due! But just as I was getting over the shock of my reaction, I realized something else! I was wishing that it had been worse! There was a part of me that believed that though punished, he was getting away too lightly!

When I ‘confessed’ to Kanch, she thought the city has made me this way and it’s a sign for us to leave the maddening crowd! Is it? I’m not so sure! When I think about it, it’s not the city I hate but rather the system that enables people to get away with violations in every field of life from traffic to hygiene to public welfare. So will getting away from the city solve the problem? I can’t think of too many cities or even towns in India where I won’t face this problem.

Like the elders always like to say – I guess the problem is in me! I should learn to get less frustrated with the surrounding apathy! It’s stupid of me to think or hope that people will change and start acting with a little more common sense! I guess it’s about time I started enjoying the chaos, not fighting it!

BrewHaHa

Whether you think of it as a café that also serves board games or as a gaming outlet that also serves some decent food, coffee and milk shakes, BrewHaHa is quite simply one of the most fun places to in Bangalore.

Clearly, what’s different about BrewHaHa are the games and consequently the atmosphere. You can feel the buzz and excitement as soon as you enter the place! Yes, sometimes, groups can be too loud for the comfort of neighbouring tables, but that hasn’t happened too often yet to discourage me and my friends from going there.

The games Sreeram and Mansur have picked out for us include Taboo, Guesstures, Squint, Coda, Quorridor, Quarto, Modern Art, Blockus, Lost Cities, Hey that’s my fish and Carcassonne. Quite a few more to go and I’m looking forward to them!!

Loterature

It’s been quite a while since my last post! What better way to break the silence than to post one of the best forwards I’ve received in some time!!

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2005 winners:

1. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

3. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

4. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

5. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is, like, sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s, like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance you perform just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the salad you’re eating.

And the pick of the loterature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

Basic Instinct

In one of his posts, Kenny talks about sports and how it brings out the real person in us!! Despite being a long time since the post, it keeps coming back to me every now and then when I observe someone’s behaviour while playing! While I’m sure I’ve had the same feelings all along, I think he has summed it up very well!

<snip>

Video games sometimes do bring out the real us. Almost as much as sports do. I have always been able to make pretty accurate first time judgements about people by their demeanor on the soccer field, tennis/squash courts. The way they react to missing an open goal, someone cheating, opponent playing rough, being on the losing team and other myriad situations. I guess thats because when playing there is not enough time to think and act. You say things because you want to and you do stuff because you want to. There is no analyzing and counter analyzing. You react on instinct and that instinct is you. Some show restraint, some rant and some cuss because thats what comes to them naturally.

</snip>

I personally know people who instinctively cheat on court, those who will only blame their partner in a doubles game never accepting any blame themselves, those who mock their opponents when they win a game and those who will never accept that anyone who defeats them is better! And sure enough this is the same attitude that is carried to other facets of their lives – whether or not they would accept it in a behavioural survey!

Wish there was a way to hire people by making them play some sport or even a video game!!

anand

How can anybody ride without a helmet?!

I left for work in a tearing hurry this morning and ended up forgetting my helmet. I realized it the second I started my bike- it was a whole new experience!  Here’s a list of things I couldn’t do because I didn’t have a helmet: 

• I couldn’t keep my eyes wide open. Either the breeze or the dust would force me to make like I was acutely short-sighted.
• I couldn’t make faces at people who annoyed or amused me on the road.
• I couldn’t sing with the usual facial expressions that go with the song. I do that to amuse myself and avoid thinking about the homicidal psychopaths who attempt to murder me everyday.
• I couldn’t confidently glare at the auto-drivers and motorists who honked too much or drove in the wrong direction.

Here are the things that annoyed me more than usual: 

• My own bike horn sounded far too loud. The noises along the whole way were far too sharp. Far too loud.
• The exhaust smoke from lorries and autos were blacker than usual
• Fellow motor-cyclists and auto-drivers seemed closer than usual
• The sun was far too bright.

Here’s a list of things that made me feel uncomfortable: 

• I felt smaller than usual- like I was somehow more accessible and hence prone to accidents and conflicts with others.
• I was more paranoid about driving safe- I couldn’t afford to skid or collide without a helmet!
• People could actually see my face! I mean, you know…
• At the end of the ride, my face and hair felt like I had just trekked across the
  Sahara.

The only positive thing about the whole experience probably was that I rode slower than usual. But then I guess that was just me- I saw quite a few helmetless dare-devils whiz by in zillion cc bikes like noisy milkmen in remote villages.  I find all these heated discussions over making helmets compulsory quite amusing. What’s all the fuss about anyway? It’s beyond me how people manage without a helmet! I, for one, will never forget mine back at home, ever again!

kanch

Lage Raho Rajubhai!

I thoroughly enjoyed watching the movie! ‘Munna meets Gandhi’ is a concept that could have gone horribly wrong! So what made this movie work? My take:

• There was no preaching! ‘Gandhigiri’ was portrayed as a street smart way of getting things done rather than merely appealing to a higher moral ground!
• It was paisa vasool entertainment all the way
• There were no loose ends in spite of a multi-dimensional plot

Cheers to Mr. Raju Hirani! Hope he continues to make good movies

Kumarakom

I’ve been to chilly Munnar
Taken the train to Trivandrum,
Fallen asleep on a boat in Thekkady,
And lazed on the beaches of Kovalam
But none of them could match
Our wonderful holiday in tranquil Kumarakom

If my poetry sucks, don’t blame it on Kumarakom!!

It wasn’t really a trip that we planned from the word go! It started when Citibank offered us free return tickets as part of the ‘Fly for Sure‘ offer – we were rewarded with cheap air tickets for over-spending! We chose Cochin as our preferred destination simply because we had just been to Goa and wanted to go some place else! When we did get the tickets, we were wondering what to do in Cochin!! Thats when I happened to come across a good deal being offered at the Kumarakom Lake resort. It was only then that I looked up the map of Kerala to see where Kumarakom really was and to my pleasant surprise; it was just 70 odd km from Cochin! Fabulous coincidence!!

The next thing was to figure out if we can get a reservation on a houseboat – which was something Kanch and I really wanted to do in Kerala! We spoke to the people at the resort and arranged for the stay at the resort as well as an overnight trip on the Houseboat! Here again, fate twisted things in our favour, when the friendly resort staff told us that we could also go and see the annual snake boat race at Allepey while we were there! Things had just fallen into our plan!

There was one major issue though – Citibank had given us tickets on Air Deccan! Anyone who’s traveled by that it knows that the airline believes that people who pay less have no right to punctuality and seat numbers! And we were travelling free!! However, much to everybody’s surprise, the flight left on time and reached Cochin a few minutes early! Now that was a sure sign that the wind was blowing our way!

The resort itself was fantastic and immediately gave the feeling that it was worth the premium we paid! Our first day was in the houseboat and it was simply superb – overcast skies with the occasional drizzle, soothing backwaters, beautiful sunset view from the sun deck, fresh toddy, scrabble, hot chai, banana chips, cold beer and pan-fried fresh prawns & fish – pure bliss!

On the way back to the resort the next morning, we saw the defending champions of the Nehru Trophy boat race in the Chundan Vallam (snake boat) category – the Kumarakom boat club – heading towards Allepey. Yes – it was race day and the resort had got us a front row position (in a boat) right next to the finish line!

Depending on the size of the boat, each team had between 60 to 120 members. Watching the teams rowing in perfect synchronization racing to the finish line is nothing short of spectacular! Accompanied by good food, chilled beer, constant rain, hot chai and a cheering crowd, we had an absolutely fabulous time watching what could arguably be one of the largest and toughest team events!!

The next two days at the resort were chill-out days! Yoga in the morning, swimming in the pool right outside our meandering pool villa, ayurvedic massages, lots of sleeping, walking & cycling, playing scrabble, reading a book, cultural programmes and of course, not to be forgotten, a lot of food & beer!! ‘Jannat’!

Despite the fact that the Air Deccan flight took off on time (well almost) on our way back, we weren’t all that happy that a wonderful holiday was coming to an end! And as we sat in the flight holding our hands, we were thinking only one thing – our ‘last-in-coach-first-in-flight’ strategy came in handy ensuring that it was each other’s hand that we were holding right through the turbulent flight!