Need for Revenge

Sometimes (actually, many times) I find myself consumed with rage and a desire for revenge. Where is that lightening when you have that perfect scumbag to strike down and incinerate?! Actually, I don’t want them to burn into nothingness. What I’d like is for them to be reduced to babbling idiots, on their knees and apologising for being the demented halfwits that they are.

Various philosophies and great souls recommend patience and a forgiving attitude. But every time I see that autodriver who cuts across, forcing me to hit the breaks suddenly, or that transport officer who tells me to come back another day for my license because I need 3 more certificates not listed on their site, or that colleague who’s technically brilliant but can’t learn to behave professionally to save his worthless life – out go all the breathing techniques and benefits of tolerance – its time for that familiar volcanic eruption!

What’s frustrating, however, is the inability to seek revenge. The autodriver simply throws back a smug look and drives on. The transport officer gets his way. And the !@#$% colleague gets a promotion. I understand the concept of turning the other cheek, but there are so many of these asinine, flea-infested scoundrels that you may end up getting yourself slapped silly till you’re cheekless!

They say indifference kills. I’ve tried that too. But the only one it seems to kill is me! I try not to care, but it gets me, you know. It makes me feel like I’m moving away from this passionate, I-can-change-the-world thing to a numb, stony individual who’s simply pretending that it doesn’t matter. If you’re born one way, its bleeding impossible to simply go become something else one fine day!

I dream of those mystic powers where you just have to think the thought and the rotten mongrel in front you goes into fits. Ofcourse, in order to do that you need to be righteous and always correct like I am, but that alone doesn’t seem to give me the powers I need to face these miserable morons. Divine justice must exist, right? I mean if these rascals aren’t punished somehow, it just isn’t fair right? And I mean, not just the “god sees all and will punish him once he dies” kind of justice. Swift stuff like walking across the street, slipping and falling face-first into a dung heap. And a lightening realisation that you got that 3rd degree treatment for being an ass in the rude email you sent out earlier today. Wouldn’t that be cool?!!

I adore Gandhi and admire Buddha, but oh the pleasure of being Queen Elizabeth and coolly saying… Off with his head!!!

Spamalot

Having been in Philly for almost 2 weeks now, I feel compelled to write down all my ‘experiences’!!

First up, both of us seem to LOVE Philly! I think what we like the most is the ability to walk around wherever we want. Having been mostly in cities where I needed to drive – as Kanch says – ‘even to go to the loo’, Philly is indeed a refreshing change. Ditto Washington DC which has a darn good train system. Both of us can’t wait to check out NY next!

Our apartment is located at downtown Philly as well – known as Center City here. It is so close to a number of theatres here – we have almost 6 theatres within 3 blocks of the apartment! What’s more, we’ve discovered a place nearby that screens independent movies!! One thing we are dying to do is to watch ‘The Dark Knight’ in IMAX! The IMAX screen is not too far away from home either! There’s a lovely public park a couple of blocks away from home, which is full of people and DOGS!! Yes – while i love the place, i am an extremely scared soul walking through the park!!

I met with a whole bunch of desi and international students at the orientation yesterday! My first feeling on meeting so many people in the class was one of awe! I still can’t believe I’ve been accepted into such an extraordinary class and am extremely humbled when I see people who are much much more accomplished! At the same time, I am extremely grateful for this chance and am EXTREMELY EXCITED about the next two years! While I’m more than sure that the time in school is going to be packed with a lot of work, I am absolutely sure its going to be fun!

Do watch this space for slight more regular updates than usual! Cheerios!

Anand (btw – the title also happens to be the name of a Monty Python play that is going to be performed at the theatre right next door to our apartment complex!)

The story of an idealist who became a manager

I’m the kind of person that can be convinced by n number of people  (n being a finite number >= 3) that expecting something that ‘feels right’ can amount to idealism. Idealism being a word that is currently synonymous with stupid/dreamer/overambitious/silly.

I’ve said rather nasty things about managers who:

•  breathe down your back asking for status after they’ve already sent you 3 reminders
• assume you will work late and over weekends to meet the oh-so-crazy deadlines
• call you up on your personal number to clarify silly doubts and check for updates
• inwardly cringe when you discuss vacation plans

and lo and behold, mine is the case of the ugly duckling in reverse. I’ve magically transformed from a white swan into an ugly duckling of a manager. I mean, I have to meet the deadlines right?!

My neverending TODO list  ensures that I’m always surrounded by a weird sense of guilt and a false sense of urgency, no matter what I do. While watching a movie, in the middle of work, while sleeping! And suddenly I’m disillusioned. If I got sucked into being what I did not look up to in others, is that the norm?!

I’m confident there exists a job/career/whatever that is enjoyable, challenging, pays you well, is not stressful AND gives you enough time to indulge your other interests. This is roughly the point in similar conversations where people look at me and say, “you’re being idealistic”. And that always makes me want to kick this person. Proving is believing. I will find such an occupation. Wait and watch.

-kanch