Need for Revenge

Sometimes (actually, many times) I find myself consumed with rage and a desire for revenge. Where is that lightening when you have that perfect scumbag to strike down and incinerate?! Actually, I don’t want them to burn into nothingness. What I’d like is for them to be reduced to babbling idiots, on their knees and apologising for being the demented halfwits that they are.

Various philosophies and great souls recommend patience and a forgiving attitude. But every time I see that autodriver who cuts across, forcing me to hit the breaks suddenly, or that transport officer who tells me to come back another day for my license because I need 3 more certificates not listed on their site, or that colleague who’s technically brilliant but can’t learn to behave professionally to save his worthless life – out go all the breathing techniques and benefits of tolerance – its time for that familiar volcanic eruption!

What’s frustrating, however, is the inability to seek revenge. The autodriver simply throws back a smug look and drives on. The transport officer gets his way. And the !@#$% colleague gets a promotion. I understand the concept of turning the other cheek, but there are so many of these asinine, flea-infested scoundrels that you may end up getting yourself slapped silly till you’re cheekless!

They say indifference kills. I’ve tried that too. But the only one it seems to kill is me! I try not to care, but it gets me, you know. It makes me feel like I’m moving away from this passionate, I-can-change-the-world thing to a numb, stony individual who’s simply pretending that it doesn’t matter. If you’re born one way, its bleeding impossible to simply go become something else one fine day!

I dream of those mystic powers where you just have to think the thought and the rotten mongrel in front you goes into fits. Ofcourse, in order to do that you need to be righteous and always correct like I am, but that alone doesn’t seem to give me the powers I need to face these miserable morons. Divine justice must exist, right? I mean if these rascals aren’t punished somehow, it just isn’t fair right? And I mean, not just the “god sees all and will punish him once he dies” kind of justice. Swift stuff like walking across the street, slipping and falling face-first into a dung heap. And a lightening realisation that you got that 3rd degree treatment for being an ass in the rude email you sent out earlier today. Wouldn’t that be cool?!!

I adore Gandhi and admire Buddha, but oh the pleasure of being Queen Elizabeth and coolly saying… Off with his head!!!

Tripping on 30s

I always thought you hit midlife crisis in your 40s. Till I hit the 30s. The 30s seem to bring with them a crushing list of questions that I should’ve been ready to answer by now!

What do you want to achieve in life? Where will you be 5/10/15 yrs from now? Isn’t it about time you started a family? Do you realise your parents are in their 60s? Have you seen the list of under-30 achievers from your batch? You aren’t getting younger, you know?!!

By then, I’m already screaming inside my head. I’m now more accountable. I have to be more responsible. Subtle changes start making me feel ancient. I’m less tolerant of loud noises (read loud music and pubs); I can’t stand silly mush with teenage actors- cheeni kum is the kind of romance that’s worth watching; it feels nice to hang out with older folks who call  me “young lady”; 20+ upstarts annoy me with their overconfidence- god! they have no clue what they’re talking about!!

And suddenly all the cool statements I made in my 20s about changing the world are  catching up with me and I haven’t started changing anything! Maybe I need a sabbatical to figure out my true calling. Its not my fault- I’m so caught up in the day-to-day demands of my job. How much can I do?! I’m just one person with 24 hrs in a day! Aging somehow seems to be characterized by reducing self-confidence. “I-will”s replaced by guarded “I’m-going-to-try-to”s or even worse,  “I-want-to-but”s.

I seek consolation in the fact that I have a good number of years before the 40s bring in their own set of embarrassing questions. So I’m going to try (note the confidence level of the statement!) to stretch the irresponsibility-of-youth thingy for a bit longer before I let the depressive weight of maturity take over!

Lost in Lost

“Lost” does not technical come under the movie section but I do not feel like creating a separate category for Serial reviews.

I feel a little like I’ve sold myself to the media if I confess to being addicted to a serial. Oh well so be it. Lost is pretty addictive and I guess its not much of a surprise We’re into the third season and spend even 15 min lunch breaks catching up on an episode. That kind of addiction.

The enormity of this thing hit me when I sent Anand off to school yesterday saying “come back soon- we’ll watch Lost”. And he replied “how come you didn’t say – come back soon so we can spend some time together?”. And that’s not the end of it- my next thought was- what’s the difference?! That’s how bad its become.

Cutting the emotional mierde, here’s why I think Lost is super fun:

- It has several characters you feel for. Its like you keep fighting with yourself (and the person you watch it with!) to figure out whom you actually support in THAT episode. Ofcourse the ones you have a crush on are a limited core set of oh-so-attractive creatures, but you have a soft corner for several. Hence more stories to keep you occupied and interested.

- The episodes are convincing. I mean, apart from the usual questions of “how do all the women remain so well-groomed” and “how come all the men (including a huge oversized one!) are so athletic”. If you go past these, they do come up with interesting twists and connections to keep you hooked. I mean 3 seasons and we still want more!

- Introduction of new characters: I mean it makes you wonder how many more characters they can keep introducing on an isolated island. Its getting to a point where the island seems more densely populated and full-of-activity than Manhattan! But they do this nicely and you kinda start looking forward to confrontations with the creepy head-villain, the oh-so-brief flirting between the good-man and the bad-woman-turned-good-woman – you know what I mean. I’m trying hard not to disclose names and characters and stuff

Overall- worth getting hooked to. Good passtime. And for characters like me- good dream/nightmare material. Believe me- these characters actually appear in my dreams- too life like

-kanch

Spamalot

Having been in Philly for almost 2 weeks now, I feel compelled to write down all my ‘experiences’!!

First up, both of us seem to LOVE Philly! I think what we like the most is the ability to walk around wherever we want. Having been mostly in cities where I needed to drive – as Kanch says – ‘even to go to the loo’, Philly is indeed a refreshing change. Ditto Washington DC which has a darn good train system. Both of us can’t wait to check out NY next!

Our apartment is located at downtown Philly as well – known as Center City here. It is so close to a number of theatres here – we have almost 6 theatres within 3 blocks of the apartment! What’s more, we’ve discovered a place nearby that screens independent movies!! One thing we are dying to do is to watch ‘The Dark Knight’ in IMAX! The IMAX screen is not too far away from home either! There’s a lovely public park a couple of blocks away from home, which is full of people and DOGS!! Yes – while i love the place, i am an extremely scared soul walking through the park!!

I met with a whole bunch of desi and international students at the orientation yesterday! My first feeling on meeting so many people in the class was one of awe! I still can’t believe I’ve been accepted into such an extraordinary class and am extremely humbled when I see people who are much much more accomplished! At the same time, I am extremely grateful for this chance and am EXTREMELY EXCITED about the next two years! While I’m more than sure that the time in school is going to be packed with a lot of work, I am absolutely sure its going to be fun!

Do watch this space for slight more regular updates than usual! Cheerios!

Anand (btw – the title also happens to be the name of a Monty Python play that is going to be performed at the theatre right next door to our apartment complex!)

The M-words

‘Maa ki’ or ‘Monkey’ – that is the question. Since there have been more than a handful of jokes on this question, I shall resist the temptation to add to the clichés! Instead, lets take a step back and focus on a significantly less important question – ‘Did Harbhajan racially abuse Symonds?’

In the absence of having a chance to have a heart-to-heart chat with Sachin over some fresh draught beer, we will have to deduce the answer from the final ruling – a small meaningless fine to Harbhajan!. So here’s my question – was Bhajji’s sentence reduced because he was innocent? If so, why even the fine? Besides, shouldn’t Ponting and his men be penalized for raising a hue and cry over nothing? If not and Bhajji was indeed guilty, shouldn’t he have been punished more? This neither-here-nor-there judgement is too confusing to understand for everyone except the ICC!!

But lately, the worst M-gaali doing the rounds is ‘MNS’! It’s amazing that in the name of democracy, we tend to tolerate these hooligans! The unfortunate loss of a life in this tamasha is a sign of how much these people really care about the common manoos – marathi or otherwise! And yes – the state government certainly did its job by ensuring that Raj was arrested, produced before the court and freed – all in a matter of a couple of hours, never mind if it felt like 2 days on the news channels!

And finally, we have the Maoists! Admittedly, I don’t understand all the issues involved in the naxal movement. But let’s get this clear – they have needlessly incurred the wrath of the police and the general public for their mischief. They most certainly have to be taught a lesson and a hard one at that for trying to adopt a violent route. In today’s world, when a silly Raj can use the media to further his cause, why on earth do the Maoists need guns and bombs? Surely the common people are nowhere in the naxal scheme of things either!  

Mera Bharat Mahaan!

Loos Change

After my third visit to the UK, I cannot help making this important observation! While everything seems to be in abundance, one of the first things that most tourists would notice is the absence of spacious loos and of course the lack of water in any of the toilets!!

I am not just refering to the small loo in the bed and breakfast place that we were staying in London!! We made a road trip across Wales & North England and found the same pattern! When we visited the Cardiff Castle in Wales – a castle that supposedly housed one of the richest men of his times – I was very curious to see the bathroom there!! Lo and behold, it was almost the same size as the one in my overnight stopover!! Ok – it did have a tub, but the commode was in such a small corner – it was almost as if the man didn’t want anyone to know he answered nature’s calls!

Moving on from the size of the loos, I have always been irritated by the practice of using toilet paper! In an effort to understand how on earth someone came up with the ridiculous idea of using paper to clean yourself, I’ve come up with a list of possible reasons for the origin of toilet paper (you can add to this list as well):

1. Soldiers in an army were not very sure if they had water everywhere they stayed overnight – I can understand this. But what were the people in city thinking? Was this a way of showing solidarity with the army!
2. Ditto campers! One may or may not find water while camping! – Again, understandable and only temporary
3. Desert Dwellers – an absolute dearth of water is definitely understandable
4. People in cold countries could not face the prospect of having cold water on their rears – Now this is an argument I am certainly not buying. Didn’t these same people take baths? Either they heated the water before the bath or they had cold baths! Either way, couldn’t the same be done in the toilet? Besides, even if there was some reason that this was infeasible back then, whats the problem now? In addition, isn’t there an environmental cost of using so much paper, even if one is used to the yuckiness of the concept!!

So – all you people out there in the west, its time there for a revo-loo-tion!

anand

Interview Question!

If u were interving a person for the position of a manager and u had a good tech lead from the same company now in ur company, what would you do:

1. ask the tech lead about the interviewee
2. don’t ask the lead
3. ask, but only after you’ve made your decision

If you chose option 1, you have excellent judgement. Rock on. If you chose option 2, it doesn’t seem like the wisest thing, but I can understand there can be some situations that demand it. If you chose option 3, Congratulations – you are eligible to be HR manager in my company!

The story of an idealist who became a manager

I’m the kind of person that can be convinced by n number of people  (n being a finite number >= 3) that expecting something that ‘feels right’ can amount to idealism. Idealism being a word that is currently synonymous with stupid/dreamer/overambitious/silly.

I’ve said rather nasty things about managers who:

•  breathe down your back asking for status after they’ve already sent you 3 reminders
• assume you will work late and over weekends to meet the oh-so-crazy deadlines
• call you up on your personal number to clarify silly doubts and check for updates
• inwardly cringe when you discuss vacation plans

and lo and behold, mine is the case of the ugly duckling in reverse. I’ve magically transformed from a white swan into an ugly duckling of a manager. I mean, I have to meet the deadlines right?!

My neverending TODO list  ensures that I’m always surrounded by a weird sense of guilt and a false sense of urgency, no matter what I do. While watching a movie, in the middle of work, while sleeping! And suddenly I’m disillusioned. If I got sucked into being what I did not look up to in others, is that the norm?!

I’m confident there exists a job/career/whatever that is enjoyable, challenging, pays you well, is not stressful AND gives you enough time to indulge your other interests. This is roughly the point in similar conversations where people look at me and say, “you’re being idealistic”. And that always makes me want to kick this person. Proving is believing. I will find such an occupation. Wait and watch.

-kanch

Your application is currently under evaluation

After applying to INSEAD for an MBA starting Jan 2008, I find myself checking my application status almost every alternate day! One way or the other, can’t wait to know the result!!!

Actually, the status has changed very minutely since the last time I saw it! Earlier it said something to the effect that my application was complete and will be evaluated shortly. Now the status reads ‘Your application is currently under evaluation‘. While I’m not very sure if it means what it means to me, I will assume what I think it means!!!

Fingers crossed!

Adness

ad-ness [ad-nis], noun: The phenomenon of seemingly sane people losing it for the sake of an ad.

Examples:

• Preity Zinta in the BSNL ads
• Ajay Devgan and Kajol in all their ads – be it together or individually
• Shah Rukh Khan in almost all his ads

I know these guys are paid to endorse some products and it’s not their responsibility if the ad sucks. But what I don’t get is how they can so easily agree to look so stupid just for a few bucks. These are not some budding actors who are struggling to make a living – these are guys who have enough and more to last their lifetime. At least now, can’t they exercise their right to appear only in sensible ads? Besides, such irresponsible choice cannot be good for the other brands that the actor is associated with. I would probably sue Shah Rukh Khan if I were Omega’s brand manager! One more reason why I think celebrity endorsements are not worth the cost!